Archive for October, 2010

Day 7 – My ex

Dear Danny,

I struggled on which ex I would write this letter to and I chose you. Why? Because you are the one that I am still the coolest with. Well when you aint tryin to get in my panties 🙂 j/k (but not really). Anywho let me get on to writing.  I would say that my relationship with you was one of the realest. We shared alot with each other, we have a very close bond and we understood the importance of compromise. It was not until the end that our relationship broke down and we both did some things that we probably shouldnt have.  I’m glad that we are past that stage, we have both forgiven and moved on.  I am happy to still be able to call you friend.  I wouldnt be opposed to spending time with you, watching NASCAR or football like we used to.  However, you have a girlfriend so that isnt exactly appropriate.  I wish you all the success in the world.  You are a wonderful father and a stand up guy.

Love always,

Doobie

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Day 6 – A stranger

Dear Ann,

You never cease to amaze me.  People wonder how it is that you can get on tv and say the things you say. They wonder how you can write the books that you do with such content.  I simply reply, its her JOB. 90% of the people I know, go to jobs that they hate and do and say shit that they dont want to. Why do they do it? For a paycheck. Their paycheck isnt even close to the dough that you are pulling in.  So I applaud you, I cant wait to do it myself. I got a few books in me that might shake the world. I mean I cant let you and Glenn Beck collect all the crazy people’s money. SHARE!!! I plan to take a different path, kind of like what all strippers say they are going to do. Get in, get the money and get out. I have it all worked out.

See you on Fox News,

Your future competition.

Day 5: My dreams

Dear Kandice,

How are you doing? Great! Good to hear…now down to business. I’m sorry I have left you on hold for so long. I have to STOP FUCKING PROCRASTINATING.  I am 34 now. Time to get on with the shit I was put here for. I NEED TO FOCUS.  Its all in me, now I have to do it.  There are people in this world that need my help, and because I have been bullshitting the world has suffered. This little light of mine..im gonna let it shine!!! I am smart, caring and compassionate. I must stop wasting time doing something I hate and start doing something I love. I wont worry about the money, I will be taken care of. JUST DO IT.

Signed,

The voice I always ignore.

Day 4: My sibling

Dear Kimmy,

I’ve been contemplating on where to begin with this letter. Hmm I guess I can start at the beginning. Like most little sisters, of course I looked up to you. You were older, smarter and all the boys liked you. I wanted to be just like you.  So imagine how it felt to have the person you want to be like tell you, get lost kid! Stop being a tag along! I was always referred to as Kim’s little sister and it was something I hated because I felt like you didnt want to be associated. It hurt. It hurt alot. It took me a LONG time to get over that, as I’m sure you can tell. Our relationship has not been as close as it could have been over the years, but its getting there. I look forward to spending time with you in our old age. Life brings about all kinds of room for growth and change. You are an excellent mother and wonderful wife. We are similar in alot of ways and different in just as many. In time I will give you full access to all my online life…BUT NOT NOW. LOL

Love you,

Kandi

Day 3: My Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thanks for giving me life.  I mean your lives would be so much bleaker if all you had was Kimmy. I am the sunshine of your life…I know. 🙂 On a more serious note, I thank you both for raising me and giving me the freedom to find my own way in this world.  Of course, there is always the periodic meddling by you Daddy and I wouldnt have it any other way. Only one man has come close to taking care of me the way you do. (We’ll talk more about him later.) Mom, you have been supportive and critical when needed and I love you for that.  The strength that you two have shown over the last 3 years is nothing short of phenomenal.  I share you both with alot of my friends who dont have both parents and you welcome everyone in with open arms. You have given more to me as supportive grandparents than I could have ever imagined.

I love you both,

Kandi

Day 2: My crush

Dear Andre,

It feels weird to write this letter to you. I only say that considering your current “situation”. Its cool though because Webster defines a crush as: the person with whom one is infatuated. Now if I wanted to dig a little deeper the definition of infatuate is: to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love. So I think that’s what I feel. 🙂 You know that I love you, you support me unconditionally. You keep me motivated and inspired. Without you some days would be difficult to get through. You actually LISTEN to me and more importantly retain the information.  I am happy for your happiness and wish you all the joy that your heart can hold.

Smooches,

Kandi

Day 1: My best friend

Dear Chuckles,

Dont kill me for calling you that but thats the one thing that I think of when it comes to you. You make me laugh sometimes til it hurts. When I dont want to, you make me. When I first “met” you I didnt think I would like you. You were rather standoffish and a little assholeish. After a year or so I saw that you were someone else. Our friendship grew out of a great necessity..a necessity for protection. LOL We’ve created this little bubble that for some reason people always want to infiltrate. Over the last 5 years I have never felt closer to another man without there being some sex involved in there somewhere. You’ve never let me down and i heart you for that. Having someone I can depend on is important. You mean the world to me. I know when I see you I am going to be beat up for all this sappy goofy ass shit but its ok. I have a special song playing in my head right now as I type this…I’ll just say 2 words….LENNY WILLIAMS. LOL  Ok enough of that shit…see ya later this week you black ashy MF.

Forever your raggedy yellow succubus,

Kan