I wrote this poem almost 4 years ago….its amazing to me how parts of it are still very true so many years later. I can still feel the giddy school girl newness I felt back then….awww the flashbacks….

Man I cant even front
You got me open like a knife running down a blunt…lol
I see you and I cant help but smile
Thinking about you makes me stop and pause for a while
We both know what this is…it is no secret
An understanding that is so fucking cool and I want to keep it
During various points in the day I will get lost in thoughts of you
Your lips your tongue your hands those little things you do
Your smile is so refreshing it just makes my heart skip
Hoping and praying you didn’t just see that twitch of my lip
You love to make me laugh and that makes my heart feel good
Wanting to move that date up and thinking maybe I should
When that day comes I cant even begin to tell you what will take place
I will return everything you give me moving at a slow and deliberate pace
I think about that day a lot…but not too much
Because the last thing I want is for what we have to turn into a crutch
I wanna keep it the way it is for now and what I cant see
I hope you are enjoying yourself on this journey Mr. Ali 🙂

 

and thennnnnnnnnnnn…..i flash forward to today.  Its 3am and I’m awake, as if I dont have to report to work in the morning.  As if I dont need all the sleep I can get to focus, because even with 8 or more hours of sleep my focus has been less than sharp and my performance has truly suffered.  Alas, he remains on my brain and in my inbox.  Never in my life has someone had such a hold on me. A hold so strong that the thought of going without makes me physically ill. That cant be good? Can it?  I am constantly in search of where I’m supposed to go….GPS been out of service…that bitch STAY recalculating….I’m still on the path though. There has to be a reason I’m sure.  All of the other lessons I was supposed to learn I got those, they were easy.  Sure I repeated a couple but I got it now. This one….man this one is just…I dont even know.  I feel like this is my most important test and I’m trying really hard not to fail….ok now I’m rambling and not making any sense. At least I stick with the theme though, extrarandom…all day erryday!

It really bothers me that she wrote exactly about my life. EXACTLY. Did she say 3 years…yeah she did.