Posts tagged ‘sad’

STRESS!!!!!

Everyone who KNOWS me, knows that it takes alot to stress me out. I mean I can count on one hand how many times I have truly been stressed in my life. I work pretty hard to keep that number down. I’m naturally a happy person. No need for drugs, alcohol or sex…well ok maybe sometimes but that’s different. 🙂 I can’t explain my normally sunny disposition…it just is. I dont question it, I just thank 8yr old Jesus for giving it to me.

As of late I have taken measures to eleviate a great amount of stress that I brought upon myself. That person is none to pleased that he was voted off the island, but guess who cares? Nope….not me either. I do think that I have been a little more stressed than usual this past month. My infrequent, mini anxiety attacks have escalated and become somewhat commonplace. No Bueno!

I know that I brought that upon myself and I took some necessary measures to eleviate that as well. Life is too short to be stressed when there are goo gobs of happiness waiting out there for you. I cant continue on this way I know that much for sure. My health has been adversely affected and my smiles have turned upside down.

The ball is no longer in my court, all I can do now is sit and wait. Whatever decision comes I will be ok with, but this shit right here…i will not continue with.

If I were being honest

If I were being honest, I would ask you was your response to me the first time you told me a lie
If I were being honest, I wouldn’t have tried so hard to hide my tears on that 10 hour car ride
If I were being honest, I would admit that I know your love for me is true
If I were being honest, I would admit that as I buried my face in your chest I prayed I didn’t have to let go of you
If I were being honest, I would say I don’t care who thinks we should be through
If I were being honest, I would tell them how much for me you truly do
If I were being honest, I would listen to the feelings in my heart
If I were being honest, then there would probably have never been a relationship from the start
If I were being honest, I would tell you how much I miss your kiss
If I were being honest, I would admit how much I can’t stand this shit
If I were being honest, I would tell everyone who comes in here and rolls their eyes to shut the fuck up
If I were being honest, I would admit how not having you in my life is very tough
If I were being honest, I would let myself feel this pain because maybe its what I need
If I were being honest, I would tell you how much you mean to me
If I were being honest, I would stop praying that you would wake up and want to be with me
If I were being honest, I would never stop telling you that I love you _ _ _.

Looking at the bigger picture

Right now my mind has been stuck on the right now…and causing myself probably more grief than necessary. I am trying to think long term and that the feelings I have right now wont last always. Its hard because everyday it hurts but I cant live this way. I have to believe there is a brighter day set to return. The brightness that I am used to. This sadness and gloom is wearing me down. I truly feel like I am on the outside looking in on my own life. I hate it. Moving isnt going to make me happy. Staying isnt going to make me happy. I am struggling to find happy again….